Friday, March 23, 2007

Catholicspeak: A User's Guide

Working in a Catholic bookstore, you hear a unique dialect. I call it "Catholicspeak." This is, I stress, a dialect, not Catholic language properly so called. I am not making any of this up. We hear this on a daily basis. And so I offer a modest translation service:

The User's Guide to Catholic Speak

Common expressions:
The beautification vision: when seeing God face to face gives you that special glow
Beautification: official ceremony marking a holy person as "Blessed" (and, by extension, "beautiful" in our sight)
Aluminum Gentium: a Vatican II document (use shiny side out)
Catholism: all-encompassing term for the doctrines and practices of the Catholic Church
Fundalism: all-encompassing term for the doctrines and practices of certain evangelical denominations
Recipitation of the rosary: praying a common prayer vocally (perhaps with a receipt or certificate of accomplishment?)
Chastity sets: Christening sets (start 'em out early on the right path)

Popular Catholic speak saints (seriously):
St. Thomas A-queasy (rhymes with "Assisi")
Sts. Cereal and Methodus

Religious Orders:
The San Friscans
The Jay Suits
The Dis-calloused Carmelites

I can't even list the Biblical selections in Catholicspeak; suffice it to say that the translators should have been more careful.

I hope this User's Guide to Common Catholicspeak has been helpful to you. Please list any emendations or additions in the Comments box!

Share the Pauline mission! Add these links to your e-mail.
Pray the Angelus! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQse864GuN8.Best Catholic Books for Lent: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiBj2XlTF74 Best Books for the Way of the Cross: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWAb4vI7Se8

5 comments:

MaureenM said...

LOL, Sister. In terms of what you sell in the bookstore, my daughter in fourth grade suggested that a Bible with the books in alphabetical order would make it easier to find her religion class reading assignments! ;-)

Anonymous said...

More catholicspeak to add to Sr.Anne Joan's list:
Abraham fell prostate (prostrate)before the Lord.
The burning brassiere (brazier) appeared with sacrifices. anon

Anonymous said...

"...and deliver us from weavils, amen!"

Deacon Fred said...

And a new one from our current confirmation class: Saint Benedict the African Church!

xaipe said...

Actually, Deacon, there IS a St. Benedict the African. He used to be called "Benedict the Moor." And there is a "St. Benedict the Moor" Church out here somewhere...