Thursday, June 29, 2006

Dear Abby

Advice columns are a great way to keep in tune with the needs of the age, but sometimes they make me really, really mad. Like yesterday. A man wrote that his best friend, his brother, whom he had always wanted as his "best man," was going to probably boycott the wedding. Why? Had the groom offended his brother? Was there a family feud involved? An argument over, say, an inheritance?
The boycotting brother is angry that he cannot enter into a gay "marriage," and so he is protesting the "discrimination" against persons like himself. He cannot bring himself to rejoice in his brother's happiness. In fact, he prefers to sabotage his brother's wedding.
Did "dear Abby" offer the groom any consolation at being let down so severely by his own brother? NO! She chastised him for not being sympathetic! And then she basically said, "We Americans need to learn from the Dutch, etc., etc., and approve gay marriage..."
Wait a minute.
I'm not going to touch the gay "marriage" thing at all. Let's just look at what one sibling is doing to another. By turning his brother's wedding day into an opportunity to make a protest statement against the larger society, the boycotting brother is acting in an incredibly self-centered way. Abby is so wedded to the gay marriage idea that she gave the gay brother a free pass for his selfish and immature behavior. His protest is out of place when it comes to a family member's life. Pity the poor groom, whose "best friend" is so unloving.


AveMaria1 said...

Love matters.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you. Life celebrations are not the appropriate setting for posturing. ---harv681

Mrs. P. said...

Sigh. When did these things become such minefields? But since weddings, pardon me, seem so often these days to be little more than spectacles, perhaps the gay brother thought his actions appropriate.

With "brothers" like this, etc.

Tired said...

Really, this is the kind of behavior I observed in my time in the gay community. A sort of rampant selfishness and sence of privelege because of acknowlegeing an unpopular sexuality.

This is why I am celebate. Too many of the people who like same sex sex think they are a kind of elite. I couldn't see myself forming a bond with people this selfish and self righteous.

So now I just live and avoid the entire sub-culture.

RAnn said...

They gay brother is really saying "its all about me". What Abby should have said is:

It is your wedding, one of the most important days of your life, and it is selfish of your brother to try to hijack it for his own agenda. Invite him to be your best man, and if he refuses, tell him "I'm sorry, we'll miss you" and go on and plan the wedding without him. Tell family members and those close to you that if asked about the brother's lack of attendance, they should simply say "He wasn't able to be here today", and if questioned further, they should repeat the same words. Don't get angry, don't burn bridges from your side, but don't let him turn your special day into a soapbox for his views.