From what I've read in papers, blogs and comments to blogs, the Pope's death is leading many people to look at their own relationship with the Catholic Church. Some people have already been back to the sacraments for the first time in years, starting off with a much-neglected or long put-off confession. Other people are wondering how they drifted away in the first place. And others remember hurtful things (goodness knows there are enough of those around) and yet still feel a spiritual itch that nothing else they've tried can scratch.
Could it be the work of grace? One way to tell is whether this persistent thought or feeling brings with it a longing and desire and dream of what is good, upright, pure, honest... all those things Paul write about in Philippians.
I think the hardest thing about grace is that we always fall short of it. That's why it's grace, of course, but at least for myself, I keep wanting to "get there" on my own (keep all the rules, as it were, so no one can fault me on anything, not even God). I suspect that (besides being plain old perfectionism) this is an American thing*, what with our heritage of the "rule of law." Makes it hard to let grace be grace, and to let ourselves fail in God's sight and still be loved and redeemed. I'd really rather take the credit myself! At least for me, this seems to be the strongest area of resistance to God.
*I say "American" because I lived in Europe for some time and noticed that Europeans, and especially Italians, do not have the same attitude about law. Americans freak out when there is a law that we would tend not to observe with any great regularity (I'm not talking morality here, but just a simple civic matter--seat belts, for instance, or not driving on sidewalks). We can't stand to be on the wrong side of the law: we will fight to repeal any law that "threatens" us that way. Europeans will leave the law on the books, never observe it and never care. That just doesn't happen here, and I think it carries over into our way of dealing with Church teaching, too.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
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1 comment:
I agree. I think my biggest stumbling block to spiritual growth has been the very egoistic notion that I am the primary actor in the process. Saturday night, I felt orphaned and drained and I realized that I need to be purged of the last remnants of childish willfulness as I approach the beginning of my sixth decade of life. My prayer was simply, "please, take me, Lord. Change me. I can't do it. I submit to your hands. Do what needs to be done in me."
I think that there is great, but hidden grace flowing these days.
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